Onset of the Jetlag

And now it is 6:47 a.m. Having made several futile attempts to watch some Friends reruns online to pass the time, I had to resort to paying iTunes for my television addiction. Correction: television-with-junk-food obsession. Unfortunately, the junk food is far from reach at this point because the kitchen is being guarded by my dad's new puppy Rusty. By guarded, I mean monitored by the cute little monstrosity of a dog. Every time I try to get some food, Rusty threatens to bark and wake up the entire household. Lovely.

All I can think about is that stupid Zach Efron movie I watched on the flight. I want Charlie St. Cloud to make love to me after I die too! PS, I just ruined that movie for the few readers of this blog who like romantic comedies but would have been asleep or brain-dead for so much of this movie that they cannot guess the ending 30 minutes into it. As much as I love romantic comedies, there's always this part of the movie that makes you want to rip your arm off just so that you can throw something at the screen. In this movie, it was when Charlie gently kisses Tess's shoulder from behind. I could tell that it probably felt like being kissed by a humingbird or something. Ah, I haven't felt anything like that for over a year. Yes, people, I have been living a life devoid of any semblance of a human relationship for quite some time now. I don't even hug people. In fact, I avoid hugs at all costs. And being kissed, well that's just out of the question. Ever since my ex, let's call him Perry, broke up with me, it feels like he didn't just end our relationship, but he ended my entire romanticized conception of love. He made me not believe in love and soul mates and all that crap that Hallmark overcharges you for.

But that's not to say that I haven't thought about other men, recently. There's been a string of unattainable men that I have chosen to pine over and feed my depression with. To be honest, I can't see myself with any of them. I just hate the idea of being alone. I scares me so much. So I think on some level, I make these men out to be more than they really are just so that I can tell myself that there's some hope out there. That being single in your twenties is not some terminal disease that is going to stay with me till my deathbed. I KID. I don't NEED a man. I just need some company.